The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
