Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
