Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
