Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
