You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
