I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
