Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
