kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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