I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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