I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
