Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
