The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
