JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
