His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
