He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize