If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Randomize
