my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
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