Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize