i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
