There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
