1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
