i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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