So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
