If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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