So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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