I think im going to throw up on grandma
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
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