know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
