When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
