just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
