I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
