If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Randomize
