I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
