I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
NoShamevember. You game?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
