I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
