I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I will die if light touches me.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
