...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
