Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
