My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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