Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Randomize
