Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
it glows. i had to have it.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
