How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Damn victory sex feels great
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
