Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Randomize
