so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
