Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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