a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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