Soap is not a condiment
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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