Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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