Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
