Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
