is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Drunk is not a location!
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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