Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
