So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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