I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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