i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
