Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
