So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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