no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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