I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
