he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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