jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize