my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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