My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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