Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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