im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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