I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
