Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
