If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Randomize
