and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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