I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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