Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
