Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
