I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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