His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
