So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize
