everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
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