dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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