pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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