Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
