Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
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