can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize