Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I think your dad took our porno
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
