Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
