you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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