I'm drive I can fine osifer
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
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